Know Yourself Better Through 10-7-5 Theory

You are fat, you are short, you can’t dance, why don’t you score marks like your sister, you are so shy, girls don’t do this, boys don’t cry, we have all been time and again bogged down under societal labels and pressures from people close and far. We know deep down we are beyond these tags or buckets we are put under and have an identity that’s more solid.

I am assuming that most people reading this blog are adults meaning have definitely passed the school and college age group. We have crossed that phase wherein we were given question papers and were graded be it in numbers, percentages or alphabets. We are at a life stage where we set our milestones and we check on ourselves. But, well, are we really checking on ourselves? Do we have our life metrics clear with us? Does it depend on our internal choices or external factors?

The Greek philosopher Plato said “The unexamined life is not worth living.” 

On the work front, we do have company assessments and appraisals but we do understand that it’s more oriented towards what they want us to do for them and not necessarily for what we want to achieve in our lives.

As children we have always been inquisitive in life, unhesitatingly asked a lot of questions, figured out things we liked and didn’t and knew somehow seemed to know more about our tastes. However, going into adulthood the curiosity somewhere diminishes, we think a zillion times before asking questions, stop getting to know ourselves and instead become more concerned about the image we carry in front of others. 

I was listening to this podcast during my morning walk today and I loved the concept Dr. Phil shared about an authentic self and a fictional self. He says that most of us aren’t sure who we are. We basically talk about our education or occupation while in fact our authentic self is something that’s deeper and our absolute core. It got me thinking am I living as who I was created to be or as someone the world wants me to be. 

A majority of us believe a fictional version of ourselves with which we interact with the world which has become more subconscious as a matter of habit. Meanwhile, our authentic self, languishes away, buried deeply beneath the business of everyday life. 

While we are living in that illusory identity, our authentic self, time and again pops out through the small cracks. This could appear as a strong desire to achieve something or it could be feeling of emptiness within. We find ourselves monotonously fulfilling the different roles with a never changing laundry list of problems and eventually losing out on the joy. At times it could also be situations that completely surprise us in the ways we have handled or in finer aspects of our lives that we discover. However, since the narrative isn’t what we are used to hearing it makes us uncomfortable and we silent it lest it rocks our seemingly smooth sailing boat. We aren’t willing to face it because the said words or done deeds has temporarily made us aware that there seems to be something amiss in our lives and we would rather live in ignorance.  

We are today who we are because of situations and people we have dealt with in the past. If there’s anything we would want to change there’s something we need to look at our past and then tweak our future aspirations accordingly. As a start to understand who we are here’s a 10-7-5 recommended exercise he recommends. He says that the moment we unravel our authentic self we can truly live the life experiences we want. 

If we are somewhere today where we don’t want to be, it’s time we took our notepads and got about doing this exercise. List down:

· 10 defining moments – The good, the bad, the ugly, the nasty, the unforgettable, the rewarding, the joyous, the teary eyed, basically any occasions that have left a deep impression in you. Those moments in which the before and after of the incident had a different you. It’s those events that influenced or changed all subsequent related occurrences thereby. We have all experienced it at different junctures and in different ways. 

· 7 critical choices – changing careers, ending relationships, those events in life when you saw a fork in your path and you were wondering which direction to take, does the right make sense or is the left more fulfilling, life is full of those big moments and major decisions. What choices did you make? 

· 5 pivotal people – That family member or friend, teacher or guide, neighbour or distant relative who left an indelible impression on you, those who have moulded you to who you have become, whose thoughts have influenced and shaped you with certain world views. 

Out of these, pick out any belief, thought or attitude about yourself that bothers you the most or is limiting you in any way. You can figure out if it’s your authentic self or your fictional self by asking the below four questions the answers to which will give you the clarity you need and make you realize which internal voice should you silence and which should you continue trusting. 

1. Is it factual? Is what you are thinking or feeling verifiably true?

2. Does the thought or attitude serve your best interest making you happy, peaceful and fulfilled?

3. Is the belief advancing and protecting your health or keeping your well-being at risk?

4. Does this attitude get you more of what you want? 

The authentic self, will have a positive answer to all the above.

I have woken up to asking myself these questions and it has provided me the impetus for me to begin living my personal truth. 

Are you game too?