5 Ways to Build Our Mental Strength

The day dawned crisp and clear. The sunlight streamed in bringing with it warmth and new hopes. I jumped off my bed and I looked at the painting, the gift that my husband gave me on my birthday last year when I was in the ICU. He was working on it while my surgery was on. Looking at it as soon as I wake up, has become a part of my routine, a reminder to be grateful and an affirmation of the message it tells me everyday.

What does it take to become one with the strongest heart I have wondered? Fortitude, Resilience, Endurance stare back.

Psychache is a neologism coined by suicidologist Edwin Shneidman, which means unbearable psychological pain-hurt and anguish. When unresolved it results it results in suicidal behavior. He believes in almost every case of suicide, psychache is the cause, emanating from thwarted psychological needs. The common cognitive state of suicide is ambivalence; the wish to die and simultaneously the wish to be rescued. Firstly, feeling suicidal isn’t a character flaw. You are in now manner weak or crazy. You are experiencing extreme pain, hopelessness and think that your unhappiness will never end. But it’s important to realize that with help, you can overcome these feelings and many people experience this at some point in their lives.

Broadly bucketing, problems usually lie either in relationships, loss, health or money matters.

A relationship that didn’t work, critical health issues, untimely and sudden death of close family members, financial ups and downs, I have seen these closely and been through them. They happened in my life. At all these instances, there was unendurable pain, deep anguish, I was devastated and thought I could take it no more. I’m eternally grateful for the people I had and the help I received. We all have the power to develop the mental strength we need to reach our greatest potential. Developing mental muscle is a lifelong process.

Building mental strength is the finest gift we can give ourselves as it is fundamental to living our best life. We all go to the gym for our physical well-being and similar to that we need to train our mental abilities too.

Here are five aspects you can work on –

Evaluate your core beliefs –

We are shaped by different events and experiences we go through in our childhood and growing years. Our inherent basic beliefs have a profound impact on the way we live, the quality of our lives and the perspectives we see. When these basic beliefs generate self-limiting thoughts, we accept them that way and forget that we are beyond those boundaries and there’s much more out there.

Here are some examples,

• I need to please everyone to succeed in life
• I can never really make it big
• Everyone else is better at their job than I am

The self- talks that we have are extremely essential in determining the quality of our lives. They shouldn’t be parroted beliefs but something you fundamentally feel that can help you on your path to a fulfilled life. Analyzing these core beliefs with a trusted friend or even better with a counselor and getting them to help you change the beliefs to bring out your true potential will do much benefit.

Use your mental energy for productive tasks –

Similar to physical energy, our mental energy on a daily basis is also limited. Overthinking and going about in loops in your heads isn’t helpful to you or to anyone. You don’t want to deplete your mental energy by engaging in acts that will take you in the downward spiral. Focus on smaller tasks of larger goals or projects and set yourself deadlines so the minute you find you are ruminating or worrying about something that isn’t in your control, you know where to shift your efforts to.  I too face issues with daydreaming and then cry over time lost and I’m reducing that by effectively setting time stamps for things that I do. There is time for work, self-care, household chores, catching on latest happenings, time for my people. It does get exhausting but you eventually feel a well lived day is better than unnecessary procrastination.

Being comfortable in your skin –

We meet a variety of people during the course of our life. We gel with some, there is some sort of connection we experience and may not feel the same with some others. The thing is to go with your tribe; don’t try to fit into the other one. There is beauty in authenticity. There are things that we love, things that make us happy and ways we find our rhythm. It’s ours to live. It doesn’t have to tick boxes off what parents, siblings, friends, partners, BFFs think. This is your life – not someone else’s. And as such, you should feel free to live it how you wish.  So, feel free to choose your ways, your circle, and your activities. As long as it doesn’t cause harm to anyone or is filled with hatred you are the best in your own frame.

Make peace with your broken pieces –

Events from the past can make us feel crippled, helpless, scared, and frustrated. Time will devour you pain of the past. What you can instead look forward to is the future, exactly the happy, peaceful life you deserve and that begins by focusing on today.

Being vulnerable and still powerful –

Over the years I have realized how being vulnerable has actually helped me have more meaningful conversations and interactions with people. Vulnerability to me has meant the ability to allow myself to express my thoughts, feelings, deepest desires and fears, the hopes and dreams with others without being afraid of judgment. We are whole, we are all complete and within the sphere of imperfection we lie in.

One last and crucial note –

Although, with right intentions, not all of us are capable to help someone with any mental illnesses. We can give biased views or subtly force upon our views. Listen to anyone who approaches you and ask them to take professional help. As for you, the way you can help is by not talking about these issues in hushed tones, talk about such illnesses openly and share whatever valuable content you find. Don’t look at ‘them’ as ‘them’ and give labels. It’s condescending and shows that the person pointing is superior in a way. Don’t do it.

For anything that’s bothering you, please reach out to me in any manner. I’ll stand by your side to show you how beautiful life is 🙂

Signing off,